Avellon Williams
TRINIDAD AND TOBAGO- Sexual Health Awareness Month this year focused on experiencing pleasure and intimacy during sex, rather than sharing tips to prevent diseases and unwanted pregnancies.
Sexologist Shelly-Ann ‘Dr. Sexy-Ann’ Weeks in a recent interview spoke about female sexuality and how communication is essential to sexual bliss.
As weeks points out, pleasurable sex has benefits that go beyond the two individuals involved, as the resulting happiness often spills over to others.
“Let’s think about how great sex boosts the individual’s confidence. Furthermore, it makes it easier for you to communicate with your partner because it gives you a kind of secret language that you don’t have to speak to each other anymore, so your relationship becomes more fun, more satisfying, more intimate,” Weeks said.
“It feels good! As the endorphins flood your brain, you become more agreeable and nicer to be around, and you smile more, so the people who encounter you benefit from you enjoying nice sex. It’s great for your children because you’re going to be a better parent because you feel so good,” she said.
In addition, Weeks argues that if more people enjoyed sex, the world would be kinder and fewer wars would be started since people who are having satisfactory sex and frequent orgasms are less likely to start conflicts.
However, Weeks claimed that some people experience poor quality sex since the female’s pleasure is often undervalued.
“One of the problems with sex, especially female sexuality, is that nobody cares about what she likes or if she is fulfilled.”
“Certainly, quality matters, and by quality, I mean anything that invites her input, something that caters to her sensibilities, and a discussion about her comfort level with “do you like this?” she said.
Whether a couple has had sex for years or it is their first experience, Weeks says asking questions in such a manner heightens sexual intimacy.
In response to her advice, she stated that couples should approach their sex lives the same way they approach their jobs, finding ways to be more efficient and improve just like they do in their workplaces. According to her, this should result in more pleasing sexual experiences.
According to the sexologist, communication plays an important role in the outcome of sexual pleasure. Although it sounds cliché, she said it is a crucial part of the sexual process.
“In the same way that you like something, you need to be able to say what you dislike about it as well. A person who wants more of something has to be able to project this effectively, so they must be able to communicate and a part of this communication must start before they physically get involved sexually.”
“Often, we make the mistake of starting to get sexual and assuming that the other person should already know what we want. However, they don’t need to know because we don’t all want the same thing. “The person might want to touch you in a certain way or not, so before getting sexual, I recommend that you have a conversation with them first,” Weeks advised.
According to her, seduction is just as important to sex as it sets the mood and pace for the whole interaction. According to Weeks, many have neglected the art of seduction in the bedroom, leading to an unsatisfactory sexual experience.
“Nobody wants to seduce anybody anymore. No one wants to turn the other person on. A successful seduction is crucial to the nourishment of your sexual experience. It makes you want to ravish this person more than anything else,” Weeks said. “It gets you out of the mood of not wanting to do anything.”
“The art of seduction comes with some poetry, wine, and lyrics. It’s also not a one-size-fits-all process. You don’t need a lot of things because if the person you are seducing is interested in you, whatever you do will work,” she said.
Moreover, Weeks argued that the hook-up culture has contributed to the decline in the art of seduction since everyone wants everything as quickly as possible.
According to ‘Dr. Sexy-Ann’, self-care is the key to enjoying healthy sex life.
“The first step is to know who you are as a person and what you want out of your sex life. Secondly, you need to find someone who shares your interests. Even though opposites attract in many cases, it’s easier when you and the person have some kind of similarity to build on,” she said.
“Also, do not limit yourself to one way of doing sexy; there are many ways of doing it. There is more to sex than just naked clothes, sexy has a lot to do with what is happening inside because it radiates externally, and the sexiest of all is authenticity. You should be yourself because there is someone out there who loves you just the way you are, and you can both do the things you like and have orgasms because they are free and good for you.” Weeks concluded.
