IDENTIFYING YOUR LOVE LANGUAGE

Avellon Williams 

TRINIDAD AND TOBAGO- The way you show and receive love is known as your Love Language. 

Identifying your Love Language and that of your partner is one of the simplest things you can do to have a positive impact on your relationship.

Surely you may have felt like you were speaking a different language when it came to expressing love.

Several books have been written to help couples understand each other’s Love Languages. One such is: “The 5 Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman.

Although Dr. Chapman’s book was originally written in 1992, it continues to help couples today. 

Before writing the book, Dr. Chapman spent years taking notes with couples he was counseling when he recognized a pattern. He realized that the couples were misunderstanding one another and each other’s needs.

Overall, love is experienced differently by people, and they have different preferences for how to express or receive it.

Let’s explore what the 5 Love Languages are, what they mean, and how we can use them in our everyday lives.

WHAT ARE THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES?

It is said that people exhibit five different love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, receiving gifts, and physical touch. We can all relate to these. But, which one appeals to you the most?

In his book, author Dr. Gary Chapman categorizes five ways to give and receive love between romantic partners.

While it’s important to understand your own love language, it’s even more important to discover what your partner’s love language is. Here’s how to discover your love language:

1. Words of affirmation

Those who respond with this love language value the feeling of appreciation and love they receive through verbal acknowledgment. Words demonstrate affection; these include lots of “I love you’s”, compliments, and encouragement, as well as frequent communication when you’re apart.

By allowing your partner to feel worthy and loved, these words will also empower them and help build their self-confidence. If this is your partner’s love language, be conscious of how you speak your love. He or she will appreciate receiving compliments and having honest conversations about your relationship.

2. Physical touch

Physical touch doesn’t just mean intimate time with your partner. If this is your love language, you feel fulfilled when you receive affection from your significant other that include all kinds of physical touch, from hand-holding in public to cuddling at home. Having physical intimacy is a core factor in any relationship but is of utmost importance to those with this love language.

3. Acts of service

The act of service is when your partner helps you with small tasks and does things that make your life easier. Lightening your partner’s burden will be greatly appreciated. In this case, you might appreciate the moment when your partner swoops in to save you from the pile of work that has accumulated while you are preoccupied, taking the trash out, or making dinner plans while you are preoccupied.

4. Quality time

People who value quality time cherish the opportunity to spend uninterrupted time with each other. I’m talking undivided, screen-free attention, such as taking walks or catching up over coffee.

The person with this love language prefers eye contact, active listening, and having their partner’s full attention when they are together. It’s important that you give them your undivided attention (that means turning off the television, putting down your phone, and eliminating distractions).

5. Receiving gifts

Gifting is a universal human practice. We should not confuse this with materialism, since the price of the gift is not necessarily equal to the level of happiness. In this case, gifts serve as symbols of thoughtfulness and send across a powerful love message to those who value gifts as a love language.

Therefore, it’s not necessarily about the item as much as “my love was thinking of me”. Don’t stress about buying them the most expensive gifts, big gifts, little gifts, they can all be special and meaningful; it’s the thought that counts. This act proves that they are intentionally buying something for you because they know you will be happy.

The bottom line is, love languages are helpful tools for improving communication and expression within relationships. When you learn your spouse’s love language, you demonstrate to them that you care for them and want to show them love in the best way. Learn what your spouse’s love language is.